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Post by junglechild on Jun 15, 2006 22:00:16 GMT -5
Here's somthing that might brighten up your day:
Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a white cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the thingypit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the thingypit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die".
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Post by junglechild on Jun 18, 2006 22:36:51 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The rat's a ventriloquist."
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Post by junglechild on Feb 24, 2007 23:44:30 GMT -5
Sorry about being gone for so long. Hope all is well. -JungleChild
A friend of mine, al27, posted this joke on his webcomic's forem (http://treesprocket.comicgenesis.com/) I thought it was pretty funny.
' So this Irishman walks into an american bar and orders three drinks.
The bartender says, "Three? Buddy, usually you order one, than another after you've finished the one."
The Irishman replies, "Its a tradition of my family, I have two brothers and when we all left home we promised each other that whenever we'd go out to drink we'd all order three drinks so that way we'd drink together and always remember one another."
The bartender nods his head and gives him three drinks.
The Irishman makes the bar his regular stop and this habit of ordering three drinks goes on for several years.
One day he walks in and orders two drinks. The bartender gets this grave look on his face and says, "Oh no... did... did one of your brothers die?"
The Irishman replies, "No, I quit drinking." '
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Post by junglechild on Feb 24, 2007 23:45:22 GMT -5
I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and made love to a peakock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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Post by wowposter on Oct 5, 2008 17:38:21 GMT -5
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